Haw haw hee haw haw Joe, or something, is a good old down home country simple man, but today he is fighting in the trench against the evil Iranian hackers. He is immune to their hacking abilities. He slays them with his axe of freedom. Bringing ‘freedom’ wherever the head of his axe lands.
These little cheeto dust covered scrawny Iranian hackers, hunched over their iMacs, typing furiously in the trenches, they look up to see our ‘hero’ come striding towards the in woodland camo and more american flags than they’ve ever seen, on his shirt, on his hat, on his boots (seriously, wtf?), and carrying an axe. They type more furiously, and then look up, like prairie dogs to see if it had any effect. None. Panic. More furious typing. But to no avail, Haw haw hee haw haw isn’t affect by no computer virus. He ain’t no computer, so how can he get a computer’s virus. He turnt that shit off on his John Deere years ago. Ain’t American. Haw haw hee haw haw.
He walked towards the hackers, his axe held high and he yelled ‘freedom’ and some other unintelligible nonsense only those who spend too much time on facebook can “understand”. And he hacked the hacktivists apart. The irony was lost on him. All he cared about was freedom. Freedom to kill other people who thought and looked differently than him. But he didn’t even realize that was the freedom he was fighting for. To him it was preserving the country he (thought) he knew, where everyone looked like him, everyone went to the same church, and until now, his biggest enemies were fans of the rival football team. He didn’t actually know why, that’s just what you do.
